Thursday Thoughts: Dealing with Hurt & Anger?
I'll admit it, I'm not great with feelings. I have trouble expressing myself and even admitting to myself when I'm dealing with emotions. On a scale of 1-10 for emotional intelligence I would be like a 2 or 3... 4 on a good day. I like to move on, find a way to be happy and get over it. Now that's all good and well, but without really feeling what I'm feeling and addressing the issues I make the problem last so much longer. Usually my body lets me know I've been holding something in too long as I get sick or my skin breaks out like mad.
Over this last year I've gotten separated, then divorced, moved twice, financial issues, and trying to accept and love myself. I'm dealing with a lot of anger, sadness, and hurt. That's a lot of emotions that were/are swirling around in my head. It's like a ball of string... they're all jumbled together and connected. And when you pull out one string/feeling to address it gets stuck so you move on and start with another one. Never really getting rid of the knot.
Then recently, I got some really awful news that made me feel betrayed and angry. My heart literally ached from it. No that's not me being dramatic, that's just what I felt, it manifested in my chest. I tried to address the emotions, I let myself feel sad and acknowledged that it was okay to feel the million emotions I felt. I cried (which I almost never do), I yelled, I sat and watched TV for 8 hours, I really tried to understand my feelings, but then I wanted to be done.
I did all this and then I tried to come out of it, I awoke feeling more calm and accepting of my situation, and I moved on... or so I thought.
These feelings, the little bastards that they are, starting randomly popping up on me. First, I felt the need to watch sad movies (any who knows me knows that this is crazy out of character!) so I could cry. Then I would be in a really bad mood one day for no reason, I just couldn't shake the feeling of being down or being upset. Then when I would talk about the situation I would go off.
Finally, and this is the one that really got me, I started snapping at my mom. It was really weird, she would say something jokingly like,"Wow you're crazy!" and I would respond knowing it was a joke with something angry, "Why would you call me crazy? That's so mean and hurtful...." All the while in the back of my head I'm thinking calm down she was joking and you said the same thing 2 minutes ago! Then I would have to apologize for being mean and feel guilty.
All in all, what does this boil down to? I obviously have some unresolved issues.
So now (with some really helpful tips from my aunt) I'm going to do the work and address these so I can move forward in my life. I really am using this time alone to reflect and learn about myself and accept who I am. It's time to step up and really confront this shit head on so it won't haunt me for years to come.
Below are some of the things I'm going to try to address my anger and sadness:
- Painting - This is my aunt's tip. Pick a color to match your mood/feelings and paint away. Once dry, write which emotion(s) corresponds to the painting.
- Journaling - A little more challenging for me, but I'm going to try writing out my feelings.
- Exercise - I've been doing yoga and walking; both of which help me clear my head and focus on myself and my surroundings.
- Nature - As you can see in the pics, I enjoy walking in nature. It helps me clear my head, recharge, and calm down. I'd like to spend more time in that environment.
Overall I'm focusing on my emotional health and well-being now. I don't want to think of myself as a failure or broken or a robot with no feelings. I just want to be a woman who was hurt once and got through it stronger than ever! Girl power!
Join the conversation
What emotions do you find hard to deal with? What tactics do you use to cope? Any suggestions on ways to get out my emotions and move on?
I like your nature pics. I have enjoyed going to a nice library and just walking the shelves, pick books up by color or title, grab a cozy corner and read, take a few home, you may be surprised what you stumble upon while roaming that way.
ReplyDeleteThank you! That's a great idea, reading always takes the edge off stress for me :)
DeleteI'm sorry for your pain and difficulty with emotion.I have a hard time coping with stress and anxiety especially in periods of change or unexpected events...so you know, every week. Gardening, yoga,listening to music, and meditation are my go to coping mechanisms, those and eating junk.
ReplyDeleteAs for moving on, maybe these emotions need to be felt, maybe your body needs to release and feel these emotions to heal. It may be painful, nonsensical, or strange but I hope you find the strength and patience to move past this. You're strong, and clever and have been since before I knew you. Hugs and love, if there is anything an old friend can do let me know. Love your blog. Warmly,
Dania
Thank you for the tips, I Appreciate them!
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