Thursday's Thoughts: Am I Really Starting a New Chapter?

Thursday's Thoughts: Am I Really Starting a New Chapter?

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Thoughts

This is going to be a new segment on my site: Thursday's Thoughts. A random mix of what's been happening in my life, what I'm thinking about, anything really. It probably won't be every Thursday, but here and there. And now for the first ever Thursday's Thoughts~


Oh man deep breaths...

As I've alluded to in other posts, I've been dealing with some personal struggles as of late. I have tried to write this post multiple times but had trouble putting my thoughts into words, so bear with me as I get through this, it's gonna be a wordy one.

In April my husband of 7 years and I separated. We did so mutually and amicably but it has still been very difficult for me. I have feelings of resentment, anger, sadness, freedom, and some hope; so it's all one big jumbly mess. I am not one who trusts easily or lets people in very often, so I'm trying to find ways to cope without shutting down completely. But unfortunately, since then things have not been so easy.

After the separation we decided to take advantage of the seller's housing market here in Denver and put the house up for sale. Once it sold came the task of dividing our stuff, selling possessions and packing. Luckily we didn't fight over anything and I was able to keep the things I wanted and the dog and cats.

Then came the task of finding a new place to live. Although I didn't really want to live in an apartment (I prefer a townhome), the rental market is also crazy in Denver and my money didn't go as far as I wanted. It was a bit of a shock going from a 2-person income down to just 1... half the paycheck and almost double the rent, great! But I was able to find a place closer to my family and further from work (the things I do to myself). So in the middle of June I moved to start my single life.

But then things got really fun! Can you feel the sarcasm oozing in that sentence? My dog, Sage, who is normally such a happy-go-lucky fella did not do well with all the moving and change. He had lost my husband, the house, and the yard in a very short period of time. So on the night before moving day, I guess he'd had enough. He ended up biting/licking and tearing out a 2.5 inch circle of hair and skin out of his hip. The wound looked nasty and I was really worried. So after the move I took him to the vet and him all situated (he's healing nicely now). But that was just the start of our problems.

The first night in the new place Sage was so nervous, he kept shaking and panting and slept right up next to me all night. We didn't really sleep as he was loud and the cats were meowing constantly but we go through it. Oh yea, and before I went to the vet, my car was towed because the apartment complex had assigned me a space someone had already taken.

So a few days later I went back to work. Then the complaints started rolling in. I got calls from the apartment complex that my dog was constantly barking. The apartment is one of those that has an indoor entrance to a shared hallway with almost an inch gap between the door and the floor. So my poor dog can hear EVERYTHING. Now he's only ever lived in a house and is used to barking when someone came to the door. It used to be just a few barks to let us know someone is coming so I never stopped it.

So I started to try different things to help him acclimate; my brother came over to walk him at lunch, I worked with him on the barking when I was home, I turned up the TV, brought a fan to put by the door, etc... I would think things were getting better for a few days so wouldn't try anything new. But then I'd get a call from the complex that there were still "so many" complaints.

Eventually I got a warning letter that I could either leave, fix the issue immediately or be evicted. I called the complex to discuss it with them and found a solution where I could get someone to take over my lease so I wouldn't have the eviction, and I could stay through July but there could be no more complaints about my dog.

Well as this story has gone on long enough, I'll summarize the rest. My uncle and aunt have been kind enough to provide "doggy daycare" to Sage during the day, I can't leave the house and leave Sage home, so I haven't been able to do proper grocery shopping, laundry, or really anything. I did find someone to buyout my lease and a new place to live after extending my budget. The new apartment has an outdoor entrance with a real door so hopefully that will help with Sage.

But now it's been a little over a month since I moved and I need to move again. I am moving next week and still haven't packed.

Overall, these last few months have been really stressful and I have been nervous, upset, and over-emotional the whole time. I have found it hard to get motivated to pack or do much at all. I do hope it gets better once I'm done moving, but I have a lot of work to do. I need to work with Sage to make sure he doesn't have anymore issues. And I still have some thinking, grieving and healing to do over my marriage as that has been put on the back-burner a bit.

I am just hoping there is a reason that all this is happening, like somewhere there'll be that silver lining. But I have decided for now I just need to focus on one thing at a time until I'm in a better head space.

Thank you all for listening, I appreciate it as this has been extremely hard for me to talk about. But looking forward I think this experience will help shape Amber But Better a little bit. As this blog has been about finding myself, I think there's no better time than now to do this. So hopefully I'll start doing some more Thursday Thoughts, lifestyle, and other posts to bring you all along with me on my journey.

Thoughts

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