So I Started Dating, Now What?

Last we left off with the story (read more here) of my return to the dating world... I hadn't returned. I took one look at online dating and said, "No Thank You!"

Focusing on Myself

Then I decided I need to focus more on myself, and I did that. Probably the best decision I made! I really learned that I can have a life without a man. I reconnected with old and current friends, reinforced relationships with my family, and I think most importantly with myself.

I think in all relationships we make compromises; sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. After 8 years with my ex, I had compromised a lot and I forgot the things I liked because for so long it was what we liked. So now I'm back! I'm me and I'm perfectly happy with being by myself. So now of course, let's add someone else.

Dating - There's an App for That!

So I did it people, I downloaded the Bumble App (iTunes, Google Play Store) and got matching! The cool thing about this app, which is a lot like Tinder, is that women make first contact. *There is also same sex and BFF matching, but I'm not sure how that works with who makes contact.*

I won't say it's been all peaches, because it hasn't. It's a numbers game; from 40 right swipes, I may only be matched with 5, and from that 5 only 2 may answer my message, and then 1 or none of them might actually be able to converse. Tough odds people!

Getting Comfortable

But I've chatted with some nice and funny men on the app, if even for a few messages. And it's given me more and more confidence and understanding of who I'm looking for.

It's like online shopping almost, but for men. I'm not sure it's the most conducive to a relationship. But there's always the opportunity to meet someone that you never would have in real life. I don't know about you other single ladies, but I don't have friends loaded to the gills with single male friends. So there's not a whole lot of option to be introduced to someone. This does solve that issue.

It took me a while to get over the whole meat market aspect of Bumble and other such apps. But the more I do it, the more comfortable I feel with the whole idea.

What Next?

As I've said, it's been almost 10 years since I've dated and wow have things changed! So I'm dipping my foot in to see what's up. But I have so many questions still of how this whole thing works!

I've been on a few dates with a guy; he's fun and sweet and it's been a good time. But now what? Do I still Bumble? Because even though we're not exclusive or anything, it feels hinky. What's okay to talk about when? I'm divorced, that's a thing and I tell people that, but when they ask about my marriage I get really uncomfortable... it just seems to early for that. And finally, sex?!? It was so easy when I was married, nothing was new or scary... it just was. Not that that's what I want, but we're laying it all out here.

So even though I obviously have a million questions. I'm enjoying myself and trying to remind myself that I'm having fun and that's what matters. And I don't need to worry so damn much, it's all going to be okay.

So if you're new to the new world of dating or Bumble, here are a few tips I have.

A few things I learned about Bumble:

Have some pics of you smiling (this is a huge issue for me!) and enjoying life
Be original in your message - no one likes Hi! or How's it going? and you can be crazy with this, my 1st message is a thought provoking question. Half the guys think I'm nuts, but it's all good.
Be yourself - If you only want tall men or non-smokers, etc... say that! If you have a dry sense of humor, show it. You don't need to poor your heart out in 90 characters, but do give a glimpse into you.
Be picky but open - Know what you're looking for, but if someone is missing 1 quality or feature, given them a chance, you never know!

Have fun ladies, being single can actually be exciting if you let it!

Amber But Better