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Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Confidence Chat - Don't Call Me Pretty

I hate compliments! Crazy right? Or is it?




But why?


This may sound weird but the worst thing someone can say to me on a dating app is "you're pretty" or beautiful, hot, sexy... whatever. I don't like it. I will literally stop talking to someone if they say it.

At first I thought this was localized to dating apps, but I think this response is indicitive of a bigger issue. I can't accept compliments. I just don't know how to react. I get very uncomfortable.

If someone compliments me on my clothes, hair, makeup, or work I deflect. I usually say thank you and then add something like "oh it was nothing really" or "this is my lazy day hair". Again, why do I do this?

Is it a confidence issue?


I'm pretty confident with myself. I think I'm pretty and work hard or there are days where I'm totally feeling my outfit/makeup/hair. I'm pretty awesome. And I like compliments, I remember wanting more of them from my ex when I was married. That's another Oprah, but really who doesn't want to be told their smart, beautiful, funny, vivacious, etc...?

So why then can't I accept a compliment?

I think it's a few different things really. But  the most important step to fix this, is self-talk. As I'm sure you've heard; the way you talk to yourself has a HUGE impact on how your see yourself and your confidence and outlook on life. So if I question every compliment, whether it's on looks, skills, or my work, what am I doing to myself?

New Life Goals


I'm putting this goal out there because a) I can't be the only one with this issue, and b) this doesn't seem good for my wellbeing. 

I, Amber, am going to graciously accept compliments from this day forward. And because I am who I am, I have a list of steps for this goal.

I WILL:
  • Thank the complimentor
  • Assume they are being sincere
  • Take the compliment to heart and hold onto it for a minute
  • Remember to offer compliments to others (at a separate time)
I will NOT:
  • Look down/away when someone is complimenting me
  • Immediately assume they are being insincere
  • Deflect and turn the focus onto someone else
  • Diminish the compliment in my head
I even found a few articles on accepting compliments:



Our Pledge


Let me know in the comments if you also cringe when receiving a compliment. Let's make this pledge together to be badass women and men and own our awesome-ness! Let's accept those compliments people!

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