Life is Hard - An Honest Talk
When I started Amber But Better just over 3 years ago, I just wanted to talk about going cruelty-free with my beauty products. Since then, it's become so much more than that and I've begun opening up more and more about my life. This is really hard to open up on the internet, especially for me as this is a problem for me all around. But because this space is really all about becoming a better version of myself I will continue to talk about my life with you all. We're friends... maybe a little one-sided, but friends none-the-less.
When I have shared in the past though has been only half the truth. I think I've put a positive spin on my stories; I got a divorce but I'm stronger for it, dating is hard but I'm doing it and am successful, etc... Today I want to share the other side of the story, the side many of us hide when we throw that plastic smile on our faces.
Things Get Tough
And this truth is that things are not always positive and rosey and going to be okay. Sometimes things just suck! They're shit and awful and you want to cry and scream and give up. This is what happens before all of the other stuff and we dismiss it. At least I do, it's the stuff I have to get over to move on. I'm learning that there is so much to learn and gain when you're in these moments.
After my separation and divorce I felt awful, like an udder failure. I spent days numb and watching sad movies just so I could cry. It was ugly and difficult.
And more recently I've been trying the whole dating thing online (an app) and at first it was exciting, then it was fun, and then it became harder and harder; like work. When I don't get matches, or some guy ghosts on me, or some guy I went on multiple dates disappeared on me I feel like shit. I feel like I am somehow inadequate and not worthy. It's not a good feeling. I've been anxious and depressed and finally had to uninstall the app from my phone to take a break for a while (I may write more about this in the future).
Sometimes life just sucks and it's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. And I would love to tell you all how I'm doing great now and so excited for the future... blah blah, fucking blah. But this is the real real and I'm being honest. Right now I'm not feeling very good about myself. I question my weight, looks, personality, future, everything! And yes, I'll get out of it one day and I know that I'm really a good person and a total catch.
All the Emotions are Good
But I've also come to realize that these moments of suck are just as important as the moments after. I'm trying to beccome more comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, sad, angry, and frustrated and all that stuff. Because they're emotions that make me human and allow me to feel all that other good stuff too. I'm allowing myself to feel lonely and sad right now, but I also am trying to move beyond it. No dwelling in these feelings, I just feel them as I need to and continue on. I am also analyzing why I feel this way and working to change my focus on dating, from need to want to date (again, let me know if you want a dating update post).
I know this has been a difficult post and not the normal postivity we all have come to expect from bloggers. But I think this kind of honesty is important, especially on the internet. Things aren't all good all the time. And that's ok because we all go through it! We're all down in the shit together, and I don't know about you but that's actually a comforting thought.
Let's Be Honest Together
I will continue with beauty, style, and confidence posts but I hope to use this platform as an honest space for us to discuss life issues. I hope you're all with me!
On this theme I chose pictures that made me feel uncomfortable, exposed, and out of my element. We're tackling it all on Amber But Better today!
On this theme I chose pictures that made me feel uncomfortable, exposed, and out of my element. We're tackling it all on Amber But Better today!
